Talking- very underrated.
on 2003-10-30 at 12:44 p.m.
Hmm. Where to start? What to say? Well, I'm at a loss for words, not so much as for what to say, but as for how to say it.
There is a lot going on right now. I know I'm neglecting some things, and some people and for that I apologize.
I have a newfound relationship, that has come on quickly and progressed faster than I ever expected. It is one of those things that you never think will happen to you, or that happens only on TV, but when it happens you are so overwhelmed, that maybe you lose track of other things temporarily. I spent alot of time thinking, even before this, and now I spend an even greater amount of time reflecting on myself. Don't get me wrong, I love this, and where it is headed, but in the short run it is going to be awkward for my friends. I think in the grand scheme of things, this will work out favorably, but in the mean time, feelings are going to be hurt, and toes are going to get stepped on. I have to be prepared to massage feelings and toes.
I'm smitten, enamored, enthralled; all those big adjectives, but at the same time I'm cautious. I wasn't looking for this, it literally developed overnight. I just wrote in the last two weeks about being single, how much I enjoyed it, how good it had been for me, and at the time I truly beleived it. But this feels so right, that it is making me look like a liar. I promise that is not the case. I'm proud to be the person I am, because I pride myself on being honest. Last week, I was happy being single, and this week, I'm ecstatic at the possibility of something more. She is unbelievable, she is open, and frank. She is intelligent, creative, witty, and beautiful. She is everything I've always held close to my heart, and I've just noticed it. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, but I'm not going to temper my enthusiasm. I know she appreciates me for my openness and honesty, as I appreciate the same from her. I know that we both have some hurdles to cross to get to where we want to be, but I'm more willing than ever to attempt those hurdles. She makes me want to be the type of person, that I know I can be, and that I tell myself I am. I know there are a few out there, who will call me a fool, and to you I say, Let me make my own mistakes, If this goes wrong, I'll be the first to step up and admit my error. But if this works out, I want to know you'll admit the same.
I want my friends to know that I do not intend to alienate anyone, I know naturally people are going to feel that way, but that's not my intent. Brothers before Blondes. That was a line in "Save the Last Dance." I think it rings true, in most cases. But it doesn't tell you what to do when the blonde started out as one of your brothers (sisters?). This is a whole new game, a whole new set of rules, a whole new circumstance. We are going to have to make up the boundaries as we go along, and be flexible with what we do and say. It is important to me that everyone is included in my life, the way they always have been, but it also important that I share my life with her. Share, not compromise.
We have some philosophical differences, things we've talked about. We have some spiritual differences, things we've also talked about, but nothing serious enough that it would be too difficult to share. It is scary sometimes to meet someone with whom you have so much in common, and yet so much still to share, that sometimes you end up backing off quickly when things move too fast. I think the opposite has been true here. I think the quicker things have prgressed, the more talkign that gets done, the deeper the conversation gets, the more I want to hear, and the longer I want to talk. This has made for some late nights, and some tired people, but it also making the basis for an true relationship. Talking- An approach that has here-to-fore been highly underrated.
So I guess what all this means is that I'm quite taken, in quite a short period, and by quite a unique woman.
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