Fittin in dad's pants
on 2003-10-09 at 7:16 p.m.
Picture this, 10 minutes ago, I'm in my bedroom, going through the 400 pounds of laundry i need to do this weekend while I'm alone, and I tried on 40 pairs of pants. and every single one of them was too big, and we are not talking like, could have made it work with a belt, were talking, bunched up, ass droopy, funky looking. I'm like hell fuckin yeah, I'm goddamn smaller, like 10 sizes. So then it suddenly dawns on me, "you've been outside for an hour, in the mud, fixing the dog run, and now you are wearing the last pair of pants you have that fits, and they are really big, really muddy, and what's that smell, oh dog shit. So what shall i wear tonight?" Hmm. option one, shorts. Nope, not a good choice, and oh look, all my shorts are too big too. option two, sweats, they have drawstrings. Nope, not to the movies. Option three, you head out to old navy and buy some friggin pants you miser. Nope, don't have time, and i really need to save my money. So we come to the last and least attractive option. I call it "Running the gauntlet". This can go two ways. You can either sneak upstairs, down the hallway, and into the restroom, flush the toilet, and then sneak into dad's room, and try on his clothes. OR you can just walk up to dad, play on his strong side, tell him your fat ass is no longer fitting into your fat ass clothes, and see what he says. So i chose the latter, and it worked. He's like, well there are some jeans in my closet that are too small for me, your welcome to them. ROCK ON! Fat man buys nice clothes. So i got a couple pair of nice Gap Jeans and some Tommy's that are in horrid shape, but look good. So my fat ass is wearing a pair of Tommy's ina size 40 people. That's 12 sizes smaller than six months ago. All I gotta say is Weight Watchers rocks. I'm going to be on one of those commercials one day, with Fergi. She's gonna be bent over the sofa, and I'll be slappin her on the ass. "I rode weight watchers to a 100 pound weight loss!" I'm more than half way there, weight watchers better start prepping Fergi now!
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