Bad Reputation?
on 2003-10-01 at 1:32 p.m. So last night I find out I have a reputation. I'm not sure exactly what that means. I'm not even sure exactly where it came from, or what it even is? All i know is I have one. When i probed deeper to find out the true meaning I was rebuffed, repeatedly. So I'm gonna lay my love life out like a friggin oil spill on my beautiful ocean water here, and see if I can figure out where this reputation came from.

Girlfriend #1- we shall call her E. E was bisexual. She told me this from day one. I said I was cool with it as long as she was monogamous with me. She and Girlfriend #2 were best friends. The first night we slept together, right afterwards, E and Girlfriend #2 went outside to smoke, E hit on Girlfriend #2. I didn't know this til much, much later. E slept with another friend at the beach. I broke up with her over the phone. I never even thought of cheating on her. Started dating Girlfriend #2 the next day, we had been friends for 12 years. E came home from beach, saw #2 wearing my class ring, flipped out on me, came over to my house, bitched me out, then left in a cloud of dust. I called girlfriend #2 to tell her what happened, while talking she said "Someone's at the door." she put the phone down right as i realized who it was at her door. She hurried back and said, she had to go, she'd call me later. E and #2 had it out. Neither of us saw E for at least 5 years.

Girlfriend #2- we shall call her A. A and I dated for almost 7 years. Through highschool, college, and beyond. We did everything together. Her friends became my friends, my friends became her friends. When we split, all friends became hers, except Shaw (Thanks brother!). She left me for another dude. We had been growing apart, she claimed she had outgrown me. Beats the shit out of me what that means, unless it means she's growing as a person by not living up to her potential. She's an incredibly intelligent person, and one day i hope she reaches whatever she's striving for, but she's not there yet. She'll probably read this, and get really pissed, but the truth hurts. I was in love, I started planning for a life with her, she started planning for one with out me. I never cheated on her. It all came to a head on my birthday, while I was in her apartment watching her brother after he had his wisdom teeth removed. I cried, she didn't, she ran over to his house, to tell the good news.

Three weeks later...

I met Girlfriend #3- we shall call her A2. A2 and I were set up by a friend. We dated way longer than we should have, we fought way more than any two people should. I was in shock, after being with someone 7 years and rarely fighting, to all of a sudden be constantly fighting. We were together two and a half years. Most likely a year and a half too long. She broke up with me over the phone while I was in Charlotte, at the airport. waiting on my connecting flight home from Los Angeles. I was in L.A. for two weeks. I met a crazy amount of beautiful, sophisticated, and intelligent women, and never once did i think anything other than, I'll be home soon. Cheating, once again, not an option.

I've had three girlfriends in my life, all three unique, beautiful people in their own way. I still talk to E when i see her, mostly at the CI, every couple months. We are both very glad to have moved on. I still see A, probably once a month or more, she works downtown and our career paths force us to cross frequently. We are also both very glad to have moved on, although it took me a while to get there. I haven't seen A2 since that day. That was a little over three months ago. I'm not saying I won't ever see her again, but we're not yet at that place in life where we can look back and laugh at once was. She said she may drop by some time, I said no. I said if you need me call me. she does, and i hit her with an im when the time warrants. I hear things said about me to to hers, it rolls off cause I know she's hurting. I don't say mean things about her, not that they aren't there, just they don't belong to anyone else. The three of them all have met, at times, there is a loose connection to them all through others. This town is too small.

So where does this reputation part come in? I'm not an ass, I don't cheat, and I do care. I've never had any woman in my life love me back the way i loved those three. Maybe one day it will happen, maybe one day it won't, I'm okay either way, but the one thing that bothers me is where do people get off passing out reputations like chiclets? I'm single, I'm looking, and I'm a damn nice person, when did that make me bad?

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Wisdom tells me I'm Nothing.
Love tells me I'm Everything.
Between the two my life flows.